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I'm 25. He's 43. Can People Stop Judging Our Age Gap?

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His friends make jokes" about me being a child bride. June 13, 2025. Q: I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 43. We met on Hinge a year ago and just instantly clicked. Most of the time, I don't notice the 18-year age gap, but weird little things do pop up sometimes — like, on 9/11, he was in college and I was 4 months old. Overall, though, this is the best relationship I've ever had. Unlike guys my own age, he treats me like a queen, we almost never fight, and I can trust him completely. But I can tell people are judging us. His friends make "jokes" about me being a child bride. Mine keep saying he's old enough to be my dad. I'm sick of people being so hung up on the age gap, ignoring all the good parts of the relationship, and not taking us seriously. Deep down, I know it's not really an even playing field — he gives me life advice, and he pays for almost everything. I do sometimes feel like a kid by comparison. But is that actually a problem? I know we'd have a really nice life together. A: There is one concept, one creed so important that Bon Jovi, Gwen Stenfani, and Billy Joel have all sung about it: “It’s my life.” (Technically, Billy sang “this is my life” and Gwen was doing a cover, but the point still stands.) At the end of the day, you are required only to answer to yourself. So if this relationship works for you, keep on truckin’! However, I think you’ll benefit from considering why people judge older guys dating women in their early/mid-20s. There is a very well-documented pattern of that situation turning out… not so well. For starters, this kind of age gap tends to appeal to a certain kind of man. They know that women their own age are less likely put up with a partner who doesn’t “do” anniversaries, or gets mean after the Knicks lose. The defense frequently given by these men is that their younger girlfriend is “mature for her age.” Personally, I remain unconvinced that their desire is intensified by clear boundaries, self-actualization, and yearly appointments to check for suspicious moles. Let’s be real — they’re seeking youth, and they’re only looking for that from women. How many 43-year-old guys have 25-year-old male friends? While women in their early/mid-20s are some of our strongest soldiers, and I love them dearly, I know they’ll undoubtedly become even wiser and more self-assured over time. However, this type of maturing is not always the type certain men value. You will never get to be 25 again. This is the time to have conversations at parties about securing Kendrick tickets, not swapping recs for a good local handyman. Additionally, in situations like these, the relationship’s balance often means the younger, less-established person falls into the older person’s lifestyle (no roommates, no student loan debt) than the other way around. Your boyfriend may not be like this, but there are older guys who don’t want to do 25 year-old things. They’ve already done them. Instead, they’d like you to slot into their world — which seems wonderful because they usually have more money and nicer housing. And then you start living like a 43-year-old when you are 25. That’s very, very fun for a week or a month or a year. Who doesn’t love walk-in closets and kitchen islands? Who doesn’t love a weekend in Palm Springs? Who doesn’t love fancy work-event dinners where the bill is covered and the bar is open? But are you still going to bars where the floors are sticky? Are you traveling solo? Is he hanging out with your friends as often as you hang out with his? Are your career plans changing to better serve his?













my boyfriend is 25 years older than me